September 6, 2019 Saman Shrutpragyaji – Memphis TN
FORGIVENESS Everyone cannot practice forgiveness. We need some basic characteristics.
1. Self Introspection - One who does self introspection can forgive and ask for forgiveness. One must be able to recognize and accept that I made a mistake and then humbly be able to acknowledge the mistake to someone and ask for forgiveness.
2. Self catharsis or Repenting - After one realizes that one has made a mistake – they need to try to amend or lighten their load of negative feelings. Do ruthaadic. Humans can cry. Men need to learn to be emotional and learn to cry like women. Crying is not a sign of weakness but a way to release one’s emotions. Example on the door to the operating room at Apollo Hospital a statement says “If you had opened your heart to your wife or your friend then your heart would not have to be opened here.” If you share your private feelings with someone then the heart is lighter.
3. Remove knots of Misunderstanding : whatever misunderstanding there are or grudgess you hold, they are like knots in our emotions and we have we need to remove them. Before the knots of cancer develop in the body, it has been developed in the mind. Just as thread with a knot will not go in needle, just as knot in sugarcane will give no juice, same way a knot in life will not allow for happiness or forgiveness.
4. Learn to forget: We need to learn how to forget easily. We have the capacity to remember and the capacity to forget. If you forget negative things quickly then the relevant stuff, you can remember. If someone has done wrong to me I will forget. We remember what we have an interest in and we forget what we don’t have an interest in. If someone has done fault and they come to me to ask for forgiveness. Can Iforgive them? Why can we not forgive them. We feel that if I can forgive them then the other one will be free or be absolved of their mistake. This is big misunderstanding - By forgiving others, it is not the person who has done the mistake who is becoming free but its the one who has been holding the grudge for all the time.
The advantage of Forgiveness is:
1. There is more room in the mind for other positive things.
2. By giving forgiveness ones own heart becomes lighter.
3. In the entire world of 7 billion people, we only need to forgive 10-12 people who are close to us and with whom we have most tension in relationships.
4. In our ruined relationships forgiveness will help
5. Majority of forgiveness only towards 5-7 people and most live with us.
One decision to do today: Apply this knowledge. By just listening, our knowledge is greater but without application, it is not useful.
Commit today that if one person comes to ask for forgiveness then I will forgive. My focus is on the application. The damage has already been done –now you are suffocating from the situation.
Greatest donation, even greater than charitity of money, is charity of forgiveness – one is physical other is emotional. If I had done a mistake – can I ask for forgiveness. Will I be able to beg for forgiveness.
When asking for forgiveness do not say “if or but” – we create condition.
We are so cautious not to slip and break our bone yet we do not watch the slip of tongue which breaks others bones.
ANGER: Opposite of forgiveness is anger.
Can we control anger? Example: for 20 years after diksha I use to have anger. If someone comes late to lecture, if the cell phone goes off. Now I have changed my thinking. Every person has their own journey due to past karma and it will not change in 2 lectures.
I can’t change another unless they want to change. I cannot change their circumstances or the incident. Everyone has their own journey. Why should I be upset by trying to change the other person’s journey. Master key to end one’s anger – not by practice but by understanding. What is the understanding – each person has their own journey and we can eliminate the anger. Tea takes 5-7 minutes to boil. That is how long it should take time to get mad. It takes 5-7 min to cool and it take 5 years to cool down our anger.
Do not get angry at these times
1. When you wake up – not anger for 30 min
2. When leaving the house do not leave with anger.
3. When we sit to eat food do not get angry
4. At time of going to sleep.
5. When entering the house.
6. Don’t get angry at any person who you cannot see. Do not get angry or emotional on phone, because we cannot read the body language.
7. Don't get angry at respectfull people - like Mother, Father or elderly people.
If you get mad at anyone give them $501 gift. You will not do it more than 4 times – it is price tax for anger.
Word in scriptures – Jiv matri and Jin Bakti - without jiv matri cannot get jin bakti.
How Seniors Can Recalibrate their Life: If you are nearing 60 – incorporate these ideas in your life.
1. No expectation with anyone. –If someone helps then it is my good karma. Where there is expectation then there is distancing. Where there is expectation there is no happiness( anand)
2. Don’t be stobborn / rigid - I will not push my ego or my view – (agrha) – Ego pushes the stubbornness to go forward. The more stubborn than more ego there is. Learn to LET GO
Types of stubborness:
Athagraha - for objects - i.e. I won’t give property
Duragraha - for thoughts - i.e. Your thoughts or beliefs are wrong
Purvagraha - for people - i.e. having a prior judgement or labeling people
3. No Chasing Money After 60 or 65 don’t do too high ho about money. Don’t ruin relationships or health over the money. Don’t have regret. Do now because there will be no tomorrow.
4. Love all others - As long as I live – I will love all others. Even if they are enemy or friend or all.
5. Forget the Past - Now I will not recall my and others past. I will let that go. Like a computer use the delete button if bad memory and save if good memory
So I will die as clean as I came. I will die with least amount of scratches.